5 Fake Meats for the Next Decade

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5 Fake Meats for the Next Decade

If you're a vegetarian, or if you eat “proper” meats, you might laugh at tales of tumours and lips found in low quality meats. But what exactly goes in to fake meats? Those waxy strips of plasticine, spongy blobs and weird flexible patties. Perhaps they pile parsnip anuses into these things? Worse still, most look like they were cooked up in the laboratories of mad Soylent Green scientists. (Hey, it's not as if that's so far fetched. Well, at least part of it.) The more I look at my fake bacon, for example, the more I think I'm staring at some alien foodstuff from the future. It got me thinking. Where will this trend for strange and unnatural products end? As we try and reduce our carbon footprints and turn increasingly to chemists for our meals, what can we expect? Here are five fake meats we could be eating in the next decade: MoonCrust
Discovered during the search for lunar water, MoonCrust is made from vast growing colonies of bacteria that have evolved to thrive on the moon's surface. It's thought they originally arrived via chewing gum on the sole of Neil Armstrong's boot. Tastes like chicken. Air Sausage
Clever Germans have perfected the art of “air capture” - effectively freezing air into cylindrical shapes. The cylinders are painted Sausage Pink and injected with soy protein. Wunderbar! Fun Lumps!
After the success of Fruit Leather, comes edible granite. Small chunks of natural stone soaked in strawberry flavouring, then sold in packets. Auntie Bertha's Homemade C12950 Bicarbonate Resin
Allegedly based on a secret family recipe, Auntie Bertha's Homemade C12950 Bicarbonate Resin is a by-product of industrial chlorine production. As the slogan goes: “Tasty Treats From Auntie's Test Tubes!” (Forced to add the chemical name after a successful lawsuit from a customer whose ears turned green.) Tree Shit
The strikingly-named Tree Shit is actually, like most “meat alternatives”, a fungus. The product's controversial advertising campaign features the line: “If a Tree Shits in a Forest And Nobody's Around To Eat It, Does Mother Nature Scream?”